Venita's View

The View

Women have been speaking out about the assaults that other women have suffered as early as the year 1405 when women experienced harsh beatings and injuries. In 1848 in the United States women spoke out about “Male Brutality” and later that century Susan B. Anthony helped battered women to escape from their abusers. The motivation and courage for women to speak out about their lives really began with the women’s movement of the 1960’s and the anti-rape movement of the 1970’s. What became of the battered women’s movement become rapidly emerged in the 1970’s because of a variety of social changes including:

A changing political consciousness and organizing activity of women

The civil rights movements of the 1960’s

Writings like Betty Friendan’s the Feminine Mystique (1963)

Women joining the workforce

Women joining organizations like the Peace Corps

Women in the movement to address domestic violence have often experienced the harsh depictions of who they are as women. For example, advocates have been deemed male haters, male bashers, called lesbians, and often accused of breaking up homes. Now I can’t profess to know how every woman that works in the domestic violence movement feel. I am sure some possibly do not like men for the violence perpetrated against women and yes there are women that are lesbian women in the domestic violence movement that I am not sure why this would be an issue? And yes possibly through the work of the advocacy and resources often shared with victims of domestic violence that seek the services of a domestic violence center, yes some women do decide to choose a life free of violence and abuse which means leaving the home where the violence has taken place and the man or woman that was responsible for the violence.

In spite of the harsh depictions that even I have at times experienced in working in the domestic violence movement, I am of the humble view that to end violence that permeates our culture that men will have to be involved. Why this view? As men the vast majority (95%) of the assaults are perpetrated by men yet the topic is usually framed at as a “Women’s Issue.” Men must get involved because as men you have grand-mothers, wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, girlfriends, boyfriends, sons, and co-workers, who have become the target and victims of abuse and violence. Unfortunately, often the way men are taught to relate to individuals itself is violent. Men are taught to be in control and display power. The attitudes that men are often conditioned to have about women contain violence, hatred, and underlying assumption of male superiority. By adopting such attitudes it is felt that men have locked a door to a part of themselves, a part of their humanness, and are prevented from being fully aware of who they are as true men. Unfortunately, I feel the definition of masculinity in our culture is totally out of balance. It denies that traits like love, caring, patience and vulnerability are just as masculine as strength and competitiveness. Men are conditioned not to feel vulnerability. Therefore to minimize anything that would be possibly be deemed not manly, men seek power and control over their intimate partners.

In spite of all the conditioning that typically happens with men that has resulted in men violence against women, men, and children, this advocate feels we need well meaning men to become involved in the domestic violence movement. Men that really get the issue that this is not a women’s issue. These are not just issues for women to solve by themselves. The issue of domestic violence is a human issue and problem. I encourage all men that have yet to join with the various groups or organizations that have as their mission and purpose to Stop Violence Against Women to begin by embracing a belief system that violence against women, men, and children is wrong and is a crime. Envision and work towards a community or better yet a world that is safe for all to live. Work towards stop blaming the victim for the violence that he or she is experiencing and working towards remedies that hold the perpetrator of the violence accountable. While I applaud the many efforts that our women advocates have made over the last three decades in the domestic violence movement with service provision, public policy, and world education and awareness on the issue, it is felt to truly begin to eradicate violence against women, well meaning men must become involved. So, to the well meaning man or one that desires to be a well meaning man, please step up and step out and assume your place in the domestic violence movement. This domestic violence advocate welcomes you. And this is Venita’s View today October 18, 2010.

Please contact me at Venita@VenitasViewOnline.com  to provide any feedback or thoughts to today’s Venita’s View.  Visit the web site at www.Venita@VenitasViewOnline.com

From the list below, please pick the top three topics that interest you.

1) Assertiveness training, the difference between being aggressive and assertive.
2) Social etiquette and social graces.
3) How to communicate effectively so that you are understood.
4) Developing the leader in you!
5) Valuing yourself!
6) Living and coping in a diverse world.
7) Girl power, being valued in sometimes what still seems like a male dominated world.
8) Seven habits of successful teens.
9) How to give respect and receive respect in return.
10) Tips on how to not fear public speaking.
11) Understanding decision making and consequences that might result from not making good choices.

*Do not see a topic that interests you, please share your ideas below.